2003-12-31 - 3:03 p.m.

THE END.....is just the BEGINNING!

It's mid afternoon and the skies are as blue as his eyes as we walk outside and smell the cold clean cotton air of Christmas past and get ready to rock in the NEW YEAR with our friends and family down south of the beast in Knoxville, Tennessee this evening.

It's been weeks since I have written in this journal and even though I have wanted to recently, it's been very hard to find the words of where to even start much less finish my thoughts on everything I want and need to get out of my head and heart as another year approaches so quickly. I want to talk about the last month but looking back it almost seems like a movie and one that is neverending because I am still dealing with the aftermath. I think I should wait...get my head together and get all the facts in order before I tell the tale of "THE HORROR OF BEAUTY UK TOUR 2003".

So let's go back for a minute, if that's okay?

It seems that some people have no respect for the fact that I have asked them to NOT remove these personal journal entries (which are meant to be a part of our website and a way of connecting with myself and friends & fans of my band)and repost them as if they are fucking press releases for the media....YES BLABBERMOUTH.NET...THIS IS DIRECTED AT YOU! Within the first days of our UK tour it was told to me (and then I saw it for myself) that BLABBERMOUTH.NET had came to my diary and lifted the entry I wrote discussing my thoughts on Mr Michael Jackson and reprinted it all as if I had sent out some sort of fucking press release about it. Kinda along the lines of what happened a while back when everyone was writing to me and posting on our message board about a certain band I used to know kicking out their "worthless piece of shit" of a guitar player. I decided to comment on the topic(since everyone else was) and since OUR board and MY email box was being so heavily spammed with opinions.

It's funny how desperate some people must be and hard up for NEWS if they have to stalk the online diaries of artists in order to get something "juicy" to write on their website and stir up a little controversy and drama. I guess that's how you gotta get your monthly "HITS" when Fred Durst isn't discusssing his latest conquest or actress he is obsessed with. It's all hilarious to me actually but in the future I just wish that the next time BLABBERMOUTH.NET has the nerve to reprint something from my diary...maybe they will write some sort of an introduction or linernote (like the one I have written at the bottom of this page) that says....."THE FOLLOWING STATEMENT IS NOT A PRESS RELEASE...IT WAS TAKEN WITHOUT PERMISSION FROM TAIRRIE B'S PERSONAL ONLINE DIARY" because most people reading BLABBERMOUTH.NET are probably thinking I am trying to get attention and press instead of simply writing in my diary within our own site.

THE FOLLOWING WAS TAKEN FROM EMAILS SENT TO BLABBERMOUTH.NET (the guy who owns and operates the site that is...his name is...BORIJOV) after I emailed our A&R man in L.A. while on tour....


Can you please remove the posting from Blabbermouth concerning Tairrie B's online diary entry about Michael Jackson. Her online diary entries are not menat to be taken from the My Ruin site.


Phil Hinkle

A& R-Century Media Records

Hi Phil,

With all due respect to you and Tairrie, if Tairrie chooses to post her thoughts and opinions in a public forum (i.e. the Internet), she should expect that some of her words will end up being reported on as "news" on a site like Blabbermouth or Metal Hammer U.K. (who picked them up after it was posted on Blabbermouth).

I was quite frankly not aware of her "disclaimer" stating that none of her words were to be reproduced elsewhere, and it probably wouldn't have made any difference to me, since I am not engaging in anything improper or underhanded by quoting her.

The truth is, if I only posted items on Blabbermouth that bands and record labels "allowed" me to post, I wouldn't have a site. It's a part of my "job"(if you want to call it that) to seek out more obscure news stories that would otherwise escape the average hard rock/metal fan surfing the web, and something like this certainly fits the bill (although I suppose you could argue that the subject matter does not).

The only way for Tairrie to exercose some control over what is being reported as "news" by metal websites is to only post those words that she feels comfortable going out to a wider audience. For her to say that she can post whatever she wants on her site and to expect me to not post it when I deem it "newsworthy" is simply unrealistic and it is not something I can go along with.

For the record, I wish to reiterate, once again, that I have nothing personal against Tairrie, as I have never met her or spoken to her. My stance on this whole issue is the same way as it would be with any other bands that I normally cover on Blabbermouth.

Anyway, I hope this clears the air somewhat.




Thanks for taking the time to write back. You make several good points, and I am all for the journalistic integrity and the freedom for websites to post what they find on the "net". Indeed, if a site or mags only posted what labels and bands wanted, it would make for bland reading; however, everything on the net is not there to be pulled and posted by whoever stumbles across it. If Blabbermouth posts a news item taken from a My Ruin online diary, it makes it sound like the band has officially released a news item or press release. That is definately NOT the case with the entries in the online diary; they are personal thoughts and ideas that the band members share with their fans or whoever happens to surf by. Because they are nOT news items or official press releases, My Ruin does, in fact, have a "DISCLAIMER" at the bottom of each diary page that reads, "THIS IS A PERSONAL DIARY. THE CONTENTS ARE NOT A PRESS RELEASE OR NEWS PAGE TO BE POSTED ON OTHER WEBSITES. PLEASE HAVE ENOUGH RESPECT FOR THE INDIVIDUAL WRITER AND THE BAND TO NOT RECOPY OR POST ELSEWHERE IN WHOLE OR IN PART.... THANK YOU"

The statement about Michael Jackson and other past postings from the diary you have used are buried under newer postings on BLabbermouth and what's done is done. The band has done their part by posting a disclaimer stating that the contents of the diary are not to be reproduced. I hope that in the future,the media has enough respect for the band and their fans to not post diary entries without express written permission from the band.




Well, after this last email from Phil to Blabbermouth we never heard back. Phil doesn't always agree with me and we have butted heads on a couple things to date. I don't expect everyone I work with to agree with me or share all my same opinions. I only hope that they will be open enough to listen to me and not ignore me when I feel I have a valid point about something (and vice versa). I respect Phil a lot and thought it was really cool that he took the time to write this. It amazes me how people just think they have certain "rights" simply because they are on the INTERNET. If Blabbermouth has read something they find interesting in my diary online and wish to discuss my thoughts on whatever subject...that's cool...all they have to do is contact our label and set up an interview via phone or email...or even in person. I have no problem with that. We do have a "NEWS" page within our website that has plenty of noteworthy "NEWS" within it's contents. Things that we do not mind being reprinted because we feel they represent the band as a whole and are not so deeply personal for one person in the band. Has Blabbermouth ever lifted something from our news pages? Of coarse they haven't. I will say that when asked to remove the piece from their website...METAL HAMMER.CO.UK were totally cool about it and they did. Which was reallY surprising...but hey, at least they understood OUR stance.

At the end of the day I guess it's all about perception. I created this diary with one intention...to make a connection. I wanted people to get to know me a bit better. Not to think of me as some unreachable rockstar chick who was just an image in a magazine. I wanted to be looked at as just another woman in band who lives and loves, laughs and cries...hurts and celebrates. I am no different that anyone who is reading this right now. I just happen to have put out a few records and played a few shows over the past few years. We each have our own personal set of values and beliefs that we hold dear and true to us as women, men, artists and human beings.

I won't be told that I should censor what I write so that someone can reprint it without my permission and feel no guilt. I write because it is who I am and what I am. I have many opinions that many people do NOT agree with and sometimes I find myself changing my own mind about certain people or subject matter but when all is said and done....I write what I feel. I stand by what I write and what I say even if I feel differently 3 years later...I stand by what I said when I said it because I know that I had a valid reason for believing in whatever it was I felt strong enough to openly talk about.

Some people think I should keep quiet and play the game nice like other women do and maybe I will have more success in my career. Ruffling feathers isn't the easiest way to make friends but sometimes you gotta take a chance and skin a few CHICKENS....even it means you make another ENEMY.

My next entry will be next year....maybe tomorrow, maybe in a month. I have no idea how or where to begin with everything I want to write or how to sum up this last year for myself and my band. It's been BEAUTIFUL and at times it's been beyond HORRIBLE but it's still been worth it for me.Some people like to write "HIT LISTS" and some have "SHIT LISTS". 2003 was a year many people came into my life, while others slowly left .......forever.When Mick & I return home to our little slice of heaven in Silverlake it will be 2004. We plan to record a new LVRS album. Number two in what is to be a series on stories based on LOVE+VIOLENCE+RELIGION+SEX and....DEATH. Mick will also be recording the new NEANDERTHAL album. We have been approached about possibly putting these records on labels but are still not sure how we both feel about that.

MY RUIN will go on tour...that's all we know for sure. WHERE, WHEN, and WITH WHO....is all in the works.

Have a HAPPY NEW YEAR...and don't be afraid to have a SAD ONE if that is who YOU are.It's all relevant.

~+MISS B+~

ps-I don't have a "HIT LIST" because everyone who came in contact with me & MY RUIN in a POSITIVE way...you're still with us today and you know who you are without me having to tell you. As for my "SHIT LIST", well...the list is FULL. It was a long intense year filled with FAKES and PHONIES and FUCKED UP people who came and went quicker than they could smile in our faces and talk shit behind our backs. Should I print their names? Why bother, they already had their 15 minutes of fame...besides, YOU know who you are...JUST LIKE WE DO....and like we said ...WE'LL BE SEEING YOU....we always do.



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